


by the light

by killaidanturner



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 23:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6029800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killaidanturner/pseuds/killaidanturner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn’t know what he has to offer Poe, not when he was raised on violence, not when he was told to hold it the way the others hold hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	by the light

When they can’t find the words to speak, when the cover of night doesn’t give them a sense of security they go down to the ship bay, go down to one of the starfighters and both climb in. There’s a comfort to not looking at one another, a comfort that the small space brings knowing that their words are trapped inside. The cockpit speaks of pindrop silence, inhales that taste like fuel and breathe out like fire.

 

“I can’t forget the things I’ve done.” Finn’s voice is soft. His breath creates condensation on the window.

 

“Maybe it’s not about forgetting, maybe it’s about forgiving.” He can feel Poe turn his head, as if attempting to look over at him. He hears him shift and knows he’s looking out straight ahead again.

 

Finn nods at Poe’s words. His hands shake so he clasps them tightly around one another, till his skin stretches tight over his knuckles and his skin takes on different hues.

 

There’s a comfort to this familiar position, to how they first met with backs against each other and all their trust in one another.

 

Finn closes his eyes and behind them he sees flashes of his former life, synchronized steps and screams. Screams that echo and carry in the confines of his head.

 

His first connects with the console, the skin catching on buttons and tearing. It’s a way to break the noise in his head. Poe is already opening up the hatch, already pulling Finn out of the cockpit, his hands gentle against Finn’s. When Finn realizes where he is, it’s when Poe’s lips touch his scraped up knuckles, soft and tentative.

 

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

 

Later when there is a thin white cotton cloth around his hand, a stark contrast against the blood seeping through he tries to pinpoint the first time he felt certain feelings.

 

He thinks about when he thought that he lost Poe, after the crash on Jakku and even though they had just met there was a feeling like there was a gap in the galaxy and the air being sucked from his lungs. He thinks it was the first time he felt fear.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t know what he has to offer Poe, not when he was raised on violence, not when he was told to hold it the way the others hold hands. He offers him his protection, he offers him his heart, his trust, and he hopes that all of that is enough.

 

* * *

 

He laughs when Poe calls him brave, laughs and says, “yeah I think you might be right.” He knows that he’s not fearless, those are two different things but he knows that there is very little he wouldn’t do in order to protect.

 

* * *

 

Poe tells him a story from back on his home planet, a story that his mother had told him about how the galaxy mourns every star that dies. He tells him about how there is a fragment or a piece of dust of a star inside of everyone and when you see the light leave their eyes then you are watching a star die. Finn asks him why he would tell him a sad story like that.

 

“Because when we first met I saw the light enter yours. It was a flicker at first but everyday it grows.”

 

Maybe that’s how stars are born.

 

* * *

 

There’s something in his chest that feels like curiosity, something about the way he watches Poe move, how his steps are sure. There’s a swell and something similar to a sand storm in his veins and he thinks that this is what love is.

 

 


End file.
